‘ Welcome home Ms Chronis! Where have you been traveling? ‘ the officer at O’Hare Airport enquired. I made it! After 23 years, I was finally home!

All my life, my mind had enveloped one single thought and desire; to return home. It’s more than just another representative story narrating the nostalgic feeling of repatriation. More than just an immigrant wanting to get back to his cradle of life, or a traveler yearning to reach the destination of his dreams. This homecoming was redemptive. Inner salvation was its blessing, such as the oxygen to a suffocating man.

October 2017 and I was holding my cell, ready for an unusual encounter. I decided to call my sister, who had already settled back in Chicago with her two children after a nasty divorce. Our lives were never really attached nor seemed to stand any chance meeting at some turning point on the way. But I had kept safely locked in the treasure chest of my mind, the last words she uttered before we parted; ‘Come to Chicago and stay with us whenever you feel like it, we’re family and we will take care of you.’ Surely a robust statement or maybe just a quintessential response from a sibling to another. The fullness of time had come and promises were about to transform into flesh and bones.

‘Hello?’

‘Hey Tazia, it’s Mary…’ before I even asked for it she popped it right out of her mouth.

‘That’s great! We’ll come and pick you up from the airport! You’ll stay with us and you can crash here for as much as you want.’ I wasn’t really expecting to hear that. Moreover, that wasn’t the purpose of my call. I just wanted to know that upon my return, there would be someone eager to give me some hints on what to expect and how to navigate my way through the city. After all, so much time had passed since my uprooting. Anything would do to familiarize myself with the city. Or even meeting family is pretty much just enough. Sharing moments together while sipping a cup of hot coffee. How misleading and erroneous thoughts. One eventually does not need guidance to steer his way in his own premises. I hung up unbelieving of what I had just heard. It was just too overwhelming, especially coming from her mouth. I never really trusted her. Most of the times she was playing a role, reiterating lines written by others who were directing her in the film of her life. Unfortunately, she was poisoned verbally since early childhood against her own kin. What my mother tried to fix, hers would always break into pieces as retaliation. As if she was more important than her own offspring. An act of self destruction to satiate the failures of her youth.

That promise never materialized. Two months later she wouldn’t answer any of my phone calls nor my texts via every app I tried to contact her. We were meant to live apart forever only I probably didn’t accept it, or rather tried to alter a family situation gone bad. We should always try to mend broken things. Warming our hearts cannot by all means harm us. Just some of them are not made for it. They choose to remain cold and isolated forever. It was done. I had booked the tickets and had arranged all visits to universities and forums. I was determined to study law and paved the way to fulfil my deepest desire. Nothing and no one could stop me. It was about me, the purpose of my existence and no backstop could stand in my way. From that moment on everything automatically wiped out of my memory, all the good times and bad with no void left in it. It didn’t matter anymore. It had no power left to matter.

I’m standing in the line to go through passport control at Frankfurt Airport, Germany. Other Americans were also waiting to return and while chatting to each other I interfered to ask for information. The fact that no one could guess my story or understand that I was gone for so long made it even more arousing. This feeling, I will never forget nor can I fully describe. Maybe fragments of it will sprinkle my articles but surely it cannot permeate the keyboard. Only resuscitate my heart as I punch the keys. I’m on the plane to wonderland savoring a glass of wine. ‘Alice: How long is forever? ‘White Rabbit: Sometimes, just a second’.